Today I was out for my piano lesson, which went as well as could be expected considering I've been sick and haven't been able to practise as much as I'd like in the past week. I went and did some shopping and finally was able to go back to my usual grocery, which is in a place called Downtown West. There are a couple of ethnic groceries there and some great cultural things, one of which is Karaoke Studio. Karaoke Studio is a karaoke box, which is a Japanese-style place where you go, pay a small fee, and get your private room to sing karaoke, on your own machine and television. You can bring friends, refreshments, everything. I've always loved the Japanese approach to karaoke, and anymore I sang more Japanese songs than anything, usually enka.
I came to know the owners, Tomo and Sei, and we became friends. Tomo would come and sing with me for a few songs when she got some time. I would learn new songs to sing with her, and it took me down a wonderful sort of memory lane -- her favourites were mainly 80s and early 90s, but sometimes we'd sing later songs or enka. My favourite song to sing was and is 'Tsugaru Kaikyou Fuyugeshiki' -- an enka standard. The machine even had a hard rock version, which was challenging and entertaining. One of my friends that I would occasionally go to the box with came to refer to 'Tsugaru Kaikyou Fuyugeshiki' as my song, since I always sang it when we would go.
To be honest, Knoxville -- where I live -- is not a very nice city. When I came here, ten years ago, I was happy to be out of where I was. This place is better than that one was, certainly. But Knoxville is a place where there is nothing much to do. Anything truly interesting, artistic, beautiful, or cultural tends to be choked away and vanish, leaving nothing but half-assed gentrification to an otherwise dump of a city, administrated by some of the most notably corrupt government in the country. And that is certainly a pity, because once upon a time it was a beautiful place that was nice to live in, although now even the scenery is being eaten up by ugly new buildings, incomprehensible and ill-conceived road construction, and electrical towers -- not that they help anything, especially the latter: power grid problems are as bad as they always were.
This is a university town, so there is at least a somewhat broader spectrum of culture and ethnicity, but when it all boils down to it, you have basically hollow consumerism, bars, and football in Knoxville. The one single place worthwhile to go, the Old City, is the poster child for what the city has lost and why: owned largely by flakes who refuse to renovate but refuse to sell, the most happening part of town consists of barely a single city block, punctuated by empty storefronts and buildings that could be exciting and interesting...if their owners bothered to give a care. Not that the art crowd is better here. It's essentially a bunch of housewife dilettantes for the most part, who really are playing at art. The sad thing is, they've fooled plenty of people, myself and other actual artists included, and it only makes one a bit sadder when realisation dawns.
I don't go out; I hate bars, full of smoke and full of mostly nasty crowds who want nothing to do with anyone else. If I want to be alone and drink, I can stay home and I can even be naked if I want to! Once upon a time there was an informal gathering called Temple, where classic 80s and 90s music and retro fashion, as well as goth crowds, were the order of the day. But unfortunately, like all the great aspects of Knoxville, that went away.
And now I must say farewell to the single remaining thing that I ever had to do in Knoxville for entertainment. It was a wonderful five years of karaoke. It helped my kana and kanji comprehension with speed-reading a necessity. It helped my pronunciation and made me stronger in Japanese. But it made me stronger in other ways too. When I hit a depressive streak a few years back and became paranoid, I went to the karaoke box at least once weekly, and that helped me through it. When my mate passed away three years ago, I did the only thing I could to heal myself emotionally: I sang. Karaoke Studio is one of the few places around here that I can say I've made memories at, and it's something that has legitimately helped me in life, in a significant way.
They close their doors in August. I don't know if I can go back again. But if I don't, then I must say goodbye inside myself. And even though my groceries are still in Downtown West, it will be hard to go there anymore, because the wound of seeing where I once spent so many happy hours and sad hours, hours of emotion and hours of healing and recovery, will be too much for me.
I'll leave this with my favourite song by tommy heavenly6. It's called 'Lost my pieces'. My translation, on the fly, appears underneath the original Japanese.
I Lost my pieces Falling into Star dust 雨みたいに 散らばってく Why are they leaving me? すべてが裏切るの I thought that's forever… 何もかも消えて そうすべて I had a dream, so… in my dream Under the star light, baby… I'll say goodbye to you…ok? everything is just a dream so…When I wake up I lose you from my head …oh yeah I don't remember you when I see you in down town Where are my pieces? どこへ行っても 息が詰まる 窮屈だわ 耐えられない I had a dream, so… in my dream Under the star light, baby… I'll say goodbye to you…ok? everything is just a dream so…When I wake up I lose you from my head …oh yeah 涙があふれ落ちて うるさいベルが鳴り響く 神様 追いていかないで! I don't remember you When I see you in heaven I had a dream, so… in my dream Under the star light, baby… 壊れてしまうわ あなたこそがすべてだった でももう瞳をあけるわ
I had a dream, so… in my dream Under the star light, baby… I'll say goodbye to you…ok? everything is just a dream so…When I wake up I lose you from my head …oh yeah I don't remember you When I see you in heaven
I lost my pieces,
Falling into stardust
Like rain they've scattered around
Why are they leaving me?
Must everything betray me...
I thought that's forever
Everything goes away...yes, everything
I had a dream so...in my dream
Under the starlight, baby...
I'll say goodbye to you...ok?
everything is just a dream
so...when I wake up
I lose you from my head
...oh yeah
I don't remember you
when I see you in downtown
Where are my pieces?
Wherever I go
I find it hard to breathe
It's too narrow
I can't bear it
I had a dream so...in my dream
Under the starlight, baby...
I'll say goodbye to you...ok?
everything is just a dream
so...when I wake up
I lose you from my head
...oh yeah
My tears fall
The noisy bell rings out
God, I can't follow you!
I don't remember you
When I see you in heaven
I had a dream, so...in my dream
Under the starlight, baby...
I'll break it apart
You were everything to me
But my eyes have been opened
I had a dream so...in my dream
Under the starlight, baby...
I'll say goodbye to you...ok?
everything is just a dream
so...when I wake up
I lose you from my head
...oh yeah
I don't remember you
When I see you in heaven
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